“All birds are gay!”

Paris Nicholson’s top five hottest birds in the sky

Image by TOPIA

The hilarious Tik Tok legend breaks down the hottest birds in the sky as part of Season 02 of TOPIA, which is inspired (loosely at times) by the humble egg

Hey everybody. Today we’re gonna be talking about the top five hottest birds in the sky. I’m like a bird, I only fly away. And I don’t know where my soul is or where my home is – and baby all I need for you to know is which of these birds are the hottest. Let’s go. 

The fifth hottest bird in the sky is the raven. To quote The Raven, “Nevermore”, which is famously a quote from a spooky ghost named Edgar Allan Poe, who was obsessed with these. Also, just to be like a raven-haired beauty is a very hot thing to be. Basically, ravens are hotter versions of crows and people are always like, “Ooh, did you know that a flock of crows is called a murder?” And it’s like, “Yeah, I did. Did you know that a flock of ravens is called an unkindness? Be hotter.”

Bird Number four is the hummingbird. they’re so small. They’re so petite they just have like a 10 millimetre waist and that’s very hot. And they’re also very elusive. Like you see one in your garden you’re like, “Oh my God, was that a hummingbird?” And the truth is we’ll never know. They can also be ruby throated, which is one of the hottest kinds of throats you can have.

The third hottest bird in the sky is the peacock. Listen, all birds are gay. We’ve proven this with science. The boy birds are bright, they’re colourful, they’re flamboyant. And the girl birds are just like beige and practical and like getting things done (like lesbians). Birds are so gay that they don’t even have sex. They just have an egg, they find a sperm donor and that’s how they make new birds. Birds are gay and the gayest among them is the peacock. They already have their own backdrop and they’re ready to be hot at a moment’s notice.

The second hottest bird in the sky is the flamingo. Flamingos have become iconic for their signature silhouette, which is giving you a lot of neck and then just like a little bit of a leg because the other one is super tired right now and that’s very hot. Also, people don’t realise that flamingos aren’t naturally pink. They’re pink by choice and having that type of agency over your own self expression is undeniably hot. 

Photo by matthieu Gallet/Shutterstock

Finally, the number one hottest bird in the sky is the secretary bird. For those of you who don’t know, this viral sensation rose to prevalence about ten years ago when we saw her in this black cropped short, white Chanel boot combo, serving absolute leg in ways that we didn’t even know was possible for birds. She’s also giving lashes and kind of put bird lashes on the map, as well as having a vermillion smokey eye. When she walks, she has her hands behind her back because she’s judging you for not being her. And she’s actually so hot that some birds just fall out of the sky and die.

Now watch me in action. Let’s go!

What’s so good about this?

Iconic beasts, such as rhinos, elephants and tigers, often dominate the hearts of wildlife lovers, but habitat loss, pollution, the illegal wildlife trade, and climate change don’t discriminate, impacting all kinds of creatures, large and small: spiders, frogs, lemurs, fish – and birds. Anything that makes educational (kinda) wildlife facts hilarious leads to more informed and educated people who respect nature – and that’s hot.

Meet Paris Nicholson

This piece was published by TOPIA in collaboration with viral sensation Paris Nicholson, who is co-host of fabulous trends podcast, The Social Dose. Follow the LA-based influencer on TikTok for more hot facts.

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